The Perfect Imperfectionist

The Perfectionism Challenge:

Did you know that being a perfectionist sets you up for failure every time? This has been one of my challenges for years, as I tend to lean towards trying to be perfect at everything and often fail because, let's face it, we all have strengths and weaknesses. At times this “failure” has tried to tell me I am not good enough—This subconscious message has never produced a good feeling, but it has hindered my relationship with myself and others.

Childhood Programming

As a child, I grew up in a home where perfectionism was the expectation or a spanking was rendered. This childhood programming has carried over into my adult years, so it is not uncommon for my mind to operate with the expectation of 100% as the goal. I also know that this thinking pattern is not helpful and may take some time to break (if I’m being a realist).

Here is a solution I practice to diffuse this self-defeating thought pattern and rearrange it: I make the goal to be perfect at being imperfect. When I am able to change my perspective and look at “failure” as an opportunity to give myself grace, it becomes a win. When I accept grace for myself, it makes it easier to give grace to others; this now becomes a full circle win. This twist I create in my thought pattern has now become a win-win! That's why I like the label, the perfect imperfectionist, because a good win-win is a great success in my book. I would like to approach life in all situations with this mindset, “failing” perfectly while doing my best with the hopes of getting another try to do it better next time.

See how that works?

Emotional Healing Practices

Emotional healing practices have helped me recognize many of the self-defeating cycles that have been a hindrance to me. Becoming aware of these cycles has given me the power to rewire my brain towards more successful outcomes. Some days the practice is easy and others more challenging because it is also okay to feel feelings. I tell myself to pick an end time to a feeling session and carry on, soldier.

The Power of Therapy

Therapy has made me aware that the initial trauma my mother and I experienced when I was born had an effect on a lot of my life events thereafter. Sounds like a bummer right? Actually, yes, it was, until I went to therapy and was blessed with becoming more aware. Awareness is the key to changing anything. I look at therapy like this, if your car keeps breaking down, you take it to a mechanic to get it fixed, right? Because mechanics are trained to find out what is wrong with the car. I do not understand why Mental Health is a stigma, because we all need tune-ups every once in a while.

The way the mind works is interesting, it can be used as our greatest ally or our greatest weapon, depending on how we use it. This is why I love therapeutic practices. The gifts therapy gave me are invaluable. The tools that I have today help me work on my mindset. The brain is our most powerful tool and when trained well can be our greatest asset.

Everyday Challenges

There is no magic formula that I have found to be mentally well all the time. I still have some days that are harder than others; I just had a full week of self-loathing last week. Nevertheless, I also didn't practice my tools as consistently as I would have liked to either. I do my best to practice self-care for my mind, body, and spirit each day.

My reason for sharing with you what helps me get through the harder days is in hopes that it helps someone get through theirs. I still have hard days because, as a human, I don't always feel like doing the work; being kind to myself on these days is key. A primary healing tool I use is purposeful acts of kindness. This is the practice of looking for someone each day to be kind to and connect with in a positive way. Science proves that participation in acts of kindness raises the serotonin and dopamine in the brain. I can personally attest this works for me and is one of my greatest tools!

You Matter Movement

I feel it is safe to assume that many of us have experienced some challenges with our mental health over the last handful of years; this topic needs some more attention! Imagine with me what our world would look like if everyone affected negatively over the last few years reached out to one person each day to tell them that they mattered, and their life was valuable. That is the vision for the You Matter movement. We are a group of people who believe in the value of life, the value of being kind, and the value of being a part of something greater than ourselves.

Every day we wake up with air in our lungs, we get opportunities all around us to make a positive impact in our world. This could be as easy as smiling at a stranger or paying for someone's coffee. It takes only a moment to connect to someone in a kind way. The more people who are participating in purposeful acts of kindness together, the more positivity we can create together. If you are interested in knowing more about the movement or how you can get involved, DM me. We invite you to join us in spreading this message of hope around the world because you matter—we all do.

With Hope & Love,


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